What
is Grief? Our
society tends to define "grief" narrowly. The word
is mentioned most often in relation to the death of
a loved one or a friend. It is also acceptable to
grieve after a divorce or the loss of a
relationship. These are big events that cause much
pain, and everyone understands the impact that they
have. But what about the less acknowledged losses
that are personal to us, that no one else may even
know about? What about the hurts inflicted (either
once or over the course of time) by school yard
bullies, an emotionally absent parent or a friend
that no longer talks to us? What about a dream that
was taken away by a misguided parent, a move to
another state or the death of a pet when we were
young? We all have experienced many hurts and
losses throughout our life, and our society's
message is to just move on. Moving on can't occur
until the stored grief is addressed and resolved
and/or completed, thereby changing our
"relationship to" it. Grief
is a normal and natural human reaction to a change
in circumstances or expectations that deny the
heart's longing in a specific way. Grief is wanting
something to be different, better, or more. It is
processed in the heart, not in the head.
Because
our society tends to sweep grief under the carpet,
we store a lifetime of losses in our bodies and our
psyches. When we then experience a loss sanctioned
by society (a death or divorce), the emotion from
all of the other unresolved griefs can come
spilling out. We experience intense feelings from
both the immediate loss and our past
losses………..and we still don't know
what to do with it. Grief
recovery is not the same as grief counseling. Grief
counseling, while it provides some help, is
talk-based and can be long-term. Its focus is the
expression of feelings. Grief recovery focuses on
the resolution of relationships and events that
have caused us pain. It provides specific processes
and tools that can be used to resolve any past,
present and future losses. It leads to completion
and transformation. It requires honesty and a
willingness on our part to work with the
relationships and events in our past that hold us
back and keep us from living our lives fully in the
present. When
we look at all of the losses in our lifetime, we
are able to identify patterns that repeat
themselves and have become the major issues with
which we struggle. When a similar event triggers a
memory of a past unresolved grief, we react
automatically based on our unconscious feelings
about the original event. Sometimes, we even
overreact to the current trigger because there is
so much stored emotion of which we are unaware.
Grief recovery can teach us to recognize when and
why we are reacting and to choose to respond in a
more appropriate way, instead. Despite
what we are taught by society, time alone does not
remove the griefs that we all hold. Instead, what
is needed is a way to transform grief by changing
our relationship to the people and events that
still cause pain. Grief is not transformed until we
realize what we ourselves can do. The Grief
Recovery Workshop provides tools to assist in this
process - tools that can help heal both past and
future griefs. We cannot change the events of the
past or eliminate the sadness associated with those
events, but we can work with them, so that they are
no longer debilitating or informing our behaviors
and thoughts in a way that does not serve
us. General
Description of a Grief Recovery
Workshop The
Grief Recovery Workshop consists of several
elements, all interwoven over the course of the
three days. There are periods of lecture, much
discussion and sharing, personal exercises to
identify past griefs and to illustrate the tools
taught for grief recovery, and finally, a symbolic
piece of work that takes the healing to a deeper
level. Participants
need to commit to all three days and to doing some
homework each evening. The personal homework is
then used the following day to move through the
teaching and healing process. The workshop follows
a planned progression over the three days, and each
participant receives not only specialized attention
over the course of the workshop, but also the tools
necessary to continue working with past and future
griefs. The
workshops are deep, personal and healing for all
involved. Participants often experience a new level
of understanding and compassion -- for themselves,
for others and for humankind. Terry
and Rose Stout live in Durango, Colorado and offer
the Grief Recovery Workshop as a couple. They met
in 1984, when Rose's mother had cancer. Terry was a
facilitator of a support group for people with
life-threatening illnesses, and Rose's mother was
in his group. After her mother's death, Rose
volunteered for the same organization. Friends for
31 years (and married for thirteen years), they
bring the uniqueness of their individual and
combined spirits to this work. Terry
has a Doctorate of Metaphysical Science in
Psychology, two master's degrees, and
licenses/certifications as a Clinical
Hypnotherapist, Marriage and Family Therapist,
Pastoral Psychologist, and Grief Recovery
Specialist. He has been in private practice as a
Psychologist for the past thirty years. As part of
his internship for his master's degree, he worked
with people who had life-threatening illnesses and
continued working with them for over twelve years.
Working with the dying and their families brought
him in direct contact with the realities beyond
physical experience. Those with life-threatening
illnesses he calls his greatest teachers. The
experience of his daughter's death took him beyond
grief counseling to Grief Recovery, for which he
has developed a passion. He has learned in private
practice that unresolved grief is something we all
carry. In recent years, he served for two years as
a Hospice chaplain. Rose
trained as a Massage Therapist and Healing Therapy
practitioner and is certified in both modalities.
In the 1980's, she co-facilitated support groups
for the families and friends of people with
life-threatening illnesses and also co-facilitated
quarterly Loss and Grief Workshops. Terry
and Rose not only present the Grief Recovery
Workshop, they also participate. They bring to
these workshops their professional knowledge, their
previous experience in working with the dying and
their families, their first-hand personal knowledge
of•the grief process, and their kind and
gentle spirits. Together, they create a loving
space for those who want to do the personal work
necessary to move on in their lives. Durango,
Colorado Durango,
Colorado Durango,
Colorado Durango,
Colorado Durango,
Colorado Deposit
and Refund Policy: A deposit of $100 per person is
required to hold space in the workshop. A full
refund will be given if cancellation notice is
received within 7 days of the workshop. If notice
is less than 7 days, the deposit will be
forfeited. To
register: trstout0602@gmail.com Press
Release: "Hokseda has been selected for the
2014 Best of Durango Award in the Marriage &
Family Counseling category by the Durango Award
Program." Durango
Award Program "Terry
and Rose bring a lifetime of study, experience,
heart and soul to their workshops. Workshops are
well thought out, experiential, loving, safe
journeys of healing. Through laughter, tears, and
fears, we all arrived at a better place from where
we started. I highly recommend!" Judy
A.. "After
many years of loss from illness, death, divorce and
life situations, I attended a Grief Recovery
Workshop. I don't think I was ready for what
happened that weekend. So many years of counseling
and working on my life and never really getting
ahead. In one weekend, through the gentle guidance
of Rose and Terry, I was able to expose my life
story to myself, take my pain in my hand and gently
look at it and put it away. It is very difficult to
describe what transpired in those brief days, but
for myself, I have never had such a healing and
life changing experience. I cannot say my pain from
my life has disappeared, but it is in a different
place and so am I. Thanks Rose and
Terry!" Janna
S. "In........the
Grief Recovery workshop Terry and his very capable
wife, Rose, facilitated, I opened the many locked
doors of my interior, facing aspects of my life
that I had not fully felt and hence been able to
release. In the safety of such care as the Stouts
provide, I faced many unresolved losses, pains and
griefs, and in doing so, was able to claim more of
my essence and live more fully in the present.
Thank you Terry and Rose." Mindy
I. "Since
2006 I have been working with Terry & Rose
Stout. I call them my light workers. Terrys gifted
inside sight and tools of self-empowerment solidify
ones body, mind and soul for a greater act of ones
consciousness. Roses luminous spirit moves with
grace and strength to pulling one forward out of
darkness. Thank you both for your love and
self-empowerment." Michelle
G. "This
workshop helped me tremendously! Terry and Rose
facilitated an essential process in my journey to
let go and live fully and happily with joy. Terry
teaches us to transform our relationship to grief,
something we all have experienced at some point in
our life. By identifying and changing our
associations with past stories, we can heal and
move forward. I found the workshop invaluable.
Thank you Terry and Rose!" Jessica
G. "The
Grief Recovery workshop has produced a profound
impact in my life. Through the workshop, I came to
understand why I felt that I had 'lost the joy' in
my life. After a lifetime of losses as a child,
mother, nurse and divorcee, I was finally taught
the TOOLS that I needed to assist me to grieve
these losses and recover in a way that has brought
a new found happiness and contentment in my life.
Highly recommended for anyone who has had their
heart broken and wants to 'find their joy'
again." Paula
S. "Grief
Recovery" Politics
aside, the recent events of rites and ceremonies
following the passing of Senator Edward M. Kennedy
bring to light vitally important aspects of the
human psyche that are often overlooked. The
extent and depth of public participation, both
outwardly and inwardly, to honor his life and mourn
his death could be considered extraordinary given
the vast number of people affected deeply who never
had a direct personal experience of the
man. This
same phenomenon was exhibited with the death of his
two brothers, and to an even greater global extent
with the death of Princess Diana. Yet grief (or
emotional expression in some other form) can also
be triggered by a very small everyday event in our
life &endash; hearing a song or seeing someone who
reminds us of some unresolved pain. Whether it
occurs on such a grand scale or on one much more
"close to home", the process is the
same. People
react to the departure of someone who has touched
their lives in some way, even if intangibly, for a
variety of reasons. However there are two basic
ones that are common to everyone. The
first comes from the fact that many of the griefs
we experience throughout the course of our lives
(loss of a job, a miscarriage, etc.) are not
considered by our culture's societal standards to
be of significant enough importance to warrant much
attention. Consequently,
we learn to "stuff" our feelings in a way that
actually gets stored on a cellular level. When we
then encounter an event that is defined by the
culture assignificant enough to warrant an
emotional expression, what gets unleashed are all
the stored griefs of a lifetime funneled through
one outlet. The
second arises from a basic longing within each of
us to have things manifest in our lives according
to our conception of what is the most ideal.
In
short, underlying most emotional expression is an
unresolved grief. And underlying all grief is some
form of longing. So
when someone like Edward Kennedy, or Princess
Diana, or another like them dies, we grieve their
loss because their actions have in some way
resonated with us on a soul level to remind us of
our longing for the ideal, and the loss of their
presence in a material form resonates with us on a
cellular memory level to reactivate unresolved
grief. Longing
tends to propel us forward. Unresolved grief tends
to hold us back. Grief
Recovery is a process that goes beyond grief
counseling. It helps us identify the losses (big
and small) in our lives and gives us tools to be
able to change our relationship to the people and
events that we hold pain around. When this happens,
we are no longer subconsciously and automatically
reacting to current triggers in a way that
continues to cause us pain. We still feel some
emotion, but it has a different quality and effect
in the moment. Resolving the griefs of a lifetime
provides us with a new freedom from which we can
then create things anew. Terry
and Rose Stout PO
Box 3262
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